Releasing Toxic Habits

I’m currently taking a seven-day course on releasing toxic habits. During the visualization process, we were asked to envision the life we were working towards and what habits are keeping us from that life. I was surprised by what came up concerning what my future life entailed.

A Surprising Vision of the Future

I saw myself reading to kids in a library from my own book. I saw myself holding their hands and leading them into the room we would be in, and how excited they were and how happy I was to be with them. I then saw myself leading them outside into nature and showing them the plants and animals they might normally not pay attention to — the first thing that came to mind was a butterfly on Queen Anne’s Lace. I was so very happy to be reading to them, teaching them about Mother Nature, and just spending time with them overall. I was building them up and letting them know how special they were.

As I type this, I am reminded of the time I helped at my son’s school when he was in the second grade. They were having an end-of-year festival with food, blow-up slides, bouncy houses, and games. I was in charge of the bouncy house. Of course, kids are impatient, especially when they are waiting for their turn to have fun. So, to keep them busy, I had them do movements and say things to build themselves up. Here’s an example:

“Turn around in a circle. Now, jump up and down. Now, ribbit like a frog.”

(Laughter from the group.)

“Now, give yourself a hug and say, ‘I love myself!'”

Child hugs themself and says, “I love myself.”

“Now say, ‘I’m my own best friend!'”

Child says, “I’m my own best friend.”

I put my hand to my ear and say, “What? I can’t hear you. What’d you say?’

Child beaming yells, “I’m my own best friend!”

We laugh together and I say, “Okay, now you can go in.”

I would do variations of this for every child, and we would all laugh. The kids seemed like they genuinely enjoyed themselves and took what I said to heart. It was a special time.

This vision and memory surprised me. I have a background in writing for magazines along with writing editorial pieces, so I had planned to head back in that direction.

As far as fiction goes, a lot of what I write is for adults/young adults. When I’m in the zone, some dark stuff can come to the surface — from domestic abuse to drug addiction to mental health to spiritual forces at work.

But Flutter. Flutter still isn’t published because it still feels unfinished to me. And I wrote the story for eight to ten-year-olds. However, one agent I pitched it to said while the subject matter was for this audience, the writing was more for older kids. So, I’m not sure what to do with it in order to change it to fit the standards. Or maybe I should self-publish.

But the kids I saw in my vision were younger — between kindergarten and second grade. So, what does this mean? Is this legitimately what I want to do? It certainly pulled at my heartstrings and brought tears to my eyes.

Perhaps I should write for one audience under a penname and the other using my legal name. There is a lot to think about here.

Identifying My Toxic Habits

So, what about releasing toxic habits? This is where I got stuck. So, let me think:

• Perfectionism
• Avoidance
• Procrastination
• Staying up late
• Sleeping in late
• Eating like crap
• Sitting on my ass
• Worst-case scenario thinking
• Scrolling through social media
• Watching television
• Playing games on my phone

These are just off the top of my head in no particular order. Can avoidance be a toxic habit? Or is it the product of other bad habits I use to not deal with things? I feel like procrastination goes almost hand in hand with avoidance and perfectionism because I put projects off for as long as possible. I avoid what I need to do because I want to do it perfectly, so I procrastinate to keep from dealing with the stress of trying to be perfect.

(I am aware no one is perfect, but when it comes to writing, I write, read, edit, and revise over and over and over again. It slows down the process, but I know my name will be attached to the work, so perfection rules the process.)

But, according to the course Releasing Toxic Habits, I’m supposed to choose one or two habits to change on the front end so I won’t be overwhelmed and give up.

Maybe procrastination is where I need to begin. If I set myself a time to write for just 15 minutes a day that will at least get me in front of my computer. That’s half the battle.

Another habit I can change is staying up late and sleeping in (the former affects the latter). This gives me more daytime hours to focus on the things I want to do.

Replacing Toxic Habits with Productive Habits

I know that I can’t just stop a toxic habit without finding something to take its place. Again, these are just a few productive habits right off the top of my head and in no particular order.

• Write (fiction/short stories/children’s books/articles/opinion pieces)
• Journal
• Blog
• Yoga
• Meditate
• Nature walk/hike
• Therapy homework
• Research/learn
• Garden
• Lift weights
• Read
• Connect with the Divine
• Spend time with family/friends

These are all habits that make me feel more connected to myself in the various aspects of my life. When I pay attention to what I need/want, my life looks completely different than what it is currently. That’s the life I desire — to be healthy, happy, and whole.

Best Way to Start

In order to accomplish my goals, I can’t continue to do as I’ve been doing. I have to acknowledge that toxic habits are holding me back. I have to make the choice to change and step into my power to become who I want to be. I know what I need to do, and now I must begin.

I think the best way to start is to give myself a hug, say “I love myself!” and be my own best friend.

Now, where’s that bouncy house?