Living with bipolar disorder. Working through trauma. This is my story.
I stood up, turned around, and gasped. Frozen in fear, I watched a black snake slither twelve feet in front of me... I was afraid to move or make a sound... Little did I know that moment was a foreshadowing of things to come.
Bipolar depression is especially crippling, and I have had a history of being bedridden anywhere from a few days to a few weeks because of it... This alongside instability, irritability due to sensory overstimulation, memory problems and anxiety have cost me more jobs than I care to count.
I almost cried in the middle of the store as my little girl self related to the stories being shared. I started to understand the depth of the longing within me. I can only begin healing by acknowledging the experiences and validating the emotions of my childhood. The only way I can grow and heal as an adult is to first connect with and love the little girl in me.
I have let fear take control of me. At one point I thought I was fearless, but somehow, I let it creep and settle in and make itself at home within me. I’m hoping—no, I know—as I continue healing, I will become fearless once again.
My body, mind, and soul feel the need to breathe deep, focus on some self care, and create new things.
I had a nervous breakdown a couple of weeks ago that led me to a deep, dark place that scared me. I understand why people advise not to write publicly about things you've not yet healed from. Reliving these situations has left me feeling raw and exposed. While I plan to continue sharing, I am going to have to be careful how I go about it.
Perry screamed taking a step towards me. A list of profanities came out of his mouth, as he threw an ashtray across the room. Suddenly, my brother busted through the front door.
Amanda Jewel Warren 