Ever have one of those mornings when everything that can go wrong, does go wrong? So, I'm using a filter to help me force a smile, cause damn! This morning kicked my ass. But I'm thinking it was to get my attention.
In previous relationships, that was exactly what I was taught. I wasn't good enough. I had to earn respect. I had to perform to be loved. I had to make the other person happy through what I could do for them. Otherwise, I was worthless and unworthy.
Bipolar depression is especially crippling, and I have had a history of being bedridden anywhere from a few days to a few weeks because of it...
This alongside instability, irritability due to sensory overstimulation, memory problems and anxiety have cost me more jobs than I care to count.
I have let fear take control of me. At one point I thought I was fearless, but somehow, I let it creep and settle in and make itself at home within me. I’m hoping—no, I know—as I continue healing, I will become fearless once again.
My body, mind, and soul feel the need to breathe deep, focus on some self care, and create new things.
Over two decades of pushing down emotions, blocking out memories of abuse, fighting my mood disorder while trying to slap on a happy face? Yes, it's only right that this is my new word for the new year.
Sometimes it takes a change of perspective to change our plans. Sometimes it takes similar situations in others for us to really look at ourselves.