If you're in a place of darkness, where your hurt feels suffocating and you can see no way of it ever being better, please, please reach out to someone who can help. A friend, a family member, a therapist or counselor. Don't struggle alone. Don't give up.
That's the true nature of bipolar disorder. It's a treacherous, lying beast. It makes me feel like a superhero who flies around saving the world by sheer willpower and strength. Then BAM! It sucker-punches me in the gut and sends me spiraling into oblivion with one fell swoop. Enter in my arch-nemesis, The Darkness.
Any efforts I made in trying to make things better were failed attempts, because the hurt was too much for even me to handle. It was ALL out of my control.
If things had come together like I had hoped, I would have missed out on both of the experiences with my grandmothers. Instead, I have moments I can treasure for the rest of my life. So when things don't go as you plan, just know God can see the big picture. We are limited by what we think we know.
Sometimes you have to look back at where you’ve been to where you are now to realize where God was during those times. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. And now I can see clearly, he was and is always with me.
I was standing in the hallway, pouting with no answers as to why what I wanted would not come to life.
Don't be pushed around by other's expectations for your life. Stay true to your own mind, body, and spirit.