That's part of the process of learning to live with bipolar disorder while working through trauma and grief. It's going to be messy and painful and difficult. I know there will be times I feel like I'm getting worse before I get better. But the only way out is through...
We still have time to make changes, save our home, and better the world. But time is drawing near to there being no way of going back.
I stood up, turned around, and gasped. Frozen in fear, I watched a black snake slither twelve feet in front of me... I was afraid to move or make a sound... Little did I know that moment was a foreshadowing of things to come.
My life was turned on its head in 2019. What I held true crumbled around me. It’s been an unsettling period of growth. A period of learning while unlearning. A period of grief and healing. A period of seeing where I’ve been and rediscovering who I am, what I believe/think, and which direction I want to go.
Ever have one of those mornings when everything that can go wrong, does go wrong? So, I'm using a filter to help me force a smile, cause damn! This morning kicked my ass. But I'm thinking it was to get my attention.
If you're in a place of darkness, where your hurt feels suffocating and you can see no way of it ever being better, please, please reach out to someone who can help. A friend, a family member, a therapist or counselor. Don't struggle alone. Don't give up.
In previous relationships, that was exactly what I was taught. I wasn't good enough. I had to earn respect. I had to perform to be loved. I had to make the other person happy through what I could do for them. Otherwise, I was worthless and unworthy.