Over two decades of pushing down emotions, blocking out memories of abuse, fighting my mood disorder while trying to slap on a happy face? Yes, it's only right that this is my new word for the new year.
I had a nervous breakdown a couple of weeks ago that led me to a deep, dark place that scared me. I understand why people advise not to write publicly about things you've not yet healed from. Reliving these situations has left me feeling raw and exposed. While I plan to continue sharing, I am going to have to be careful how I go about it.
Perry screamed taking a step towards me. A list of profanities came out of his mouth, as he threw an ashtray across the room. Suddenly, my brother busted through the front door.
I’m not perfect... And while all of the things I have been through may have affected my emotional and mental health, they don’t excuse the bad behavior or the pain I also inflicted on others. Those are things I am still dealing with...
As I pulled onto the road and out of the neighborhood, I began sobbing. I felt guilty for leaving and relieved that I got out. I mourned the death of my marriage and rejoiced it was over.
Suddenly, it hit me. Ten years had passed since my first marriage ended, and I had somehow married the same man... How did this happen? How did I end up right where I began?
I thought since I'd forgiven my abusers, I had moved on. I figured it was settled, over, and done... But when I start to scratch beneath the surface, I can feel the storm still raging within me. All the issues I've had over the years stem from the aftermath of abuse.