In previous relationships, that was exactly what I was taught. I wasn't good enough. I had to earn respect. I had to perform to be loved. I had to make the other person happy through what I could do for them. Otherwise, I was worthless and unworthy.
I almost cried in the middle of the store as my little girl self related to the stories being shared. I started to understand the depth of the longing within me. I can only begin healing by acknowledging the experiences and validating the emotions of my childhood. The only way I can grow and heal as an adult is to first connect with and love the little girl in me.
I had a nervous breakdown a couple of weeks ago that led me to a deep, dark place that scared me. I understand why people advise not to write publicly about things you've not yet healed from. Reliving these situations has left me feeling raw and exposed. While I plan to continue sharing, I am going to have to be careful how I go about it.