Just a writer sharing her thoughts, life, and journey.
I had a nervous breakdown a couple of weeks ago that led me to a deep, dark place that scared me. I understand why people advise not to write publicly about things you've not yet healed from. Reliving these situations has left me feeling raw and exposed. While I plan to continue sharing, I am going to have to be careful how I go about it.
Perry screamed taking a step towards me. A list of profanities came out of his mouth, as he threw an ashtray across the room. Suddenly, my brother busted through the front door.
Recognizing that I was triggered this week was actually a step in the right direction. That's one of the ways bipolar is managed. Years ago, I would not have been able to do this.
I’m not perfect... And while all of the things I have been through may have affected my emotional and mental health, they don’t excuse the bad behavior or the pain I also inflicted on others. Those are things I am still dealing with...
I thought since I'd forgiven my abusers, I had moved on. I figured it was settled, over, and done... But when I start to scratch beneath the surface, I can feel the storm still raging within me. All the issues I've had over the years stem from the aftermath of abuse.
He didn't just physically assault me; that happened sporadically. Every day he demolished my spirit, controlled my mind, dug a grave for my self-esteem, and buried me with his words. I became a prisoner to be ruled, an unworthy subject that was handpicked by the king himself, who allowed me to be a part of his kingdom.
That's the true nature of bipolar disorder. It's a treacherous, lying beast. It makes me feel like a superhero who flies around saving the world by sheer willpower and strength. Then BAM! It sucker-punches me in the gut and sends me spiraling into oblivion with one fell swoop. Enter in my arch-nemesis, The Darkness.
Amanda Jewel Warren 