Living with bipolar disorder. Working through trauma. This is my story.
I had a nervous breakdown a couple of weeks ago that led me to a deep, dark place that scared me. I understand why people advise not to write publicly about things you've not yet healed from. Reliving these situations has left me feeling raw and exposed. While I plan to continue sharing, I am going to have to be careful how I go about it.
Perry screamed taking a step towards me. A list of profanities came out of his mouth, as he threw an ashtray across the room. Suddenly, my brother busted through the front door.
Recognizing that I was triggered this week was actually a step in the right direction. That's one of the ways bipolar is managed. Years ago, I would not have been able to do this.
Any efforts I made in trying to make things better were failed attempts, because the hurt was too much for even me to handle. It was ALL out of my control.
If things had come together like I had hoped, I would have missed out on both of the experiences with my grandmothers. Instead, I have moments I can treasure for the rest of my life. So when things don't go as you plan, just know God can see the big picture. We are limited by what we think we know.
Sometimes it takes a change of perspective to change our plans. Sometimes it takes similar situations in others for us to really look at ourselves.
Sometimes you have to look back at where you’ve been to where you are now to realize where God was during those times. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. And now I can see clearly, he was and is always with me.
Amanda Jewel Warren 