Just a writer sharing her thoughts, life, and journey.
Why? Why on earth did I get up from the table? I could have sat in my little corner and said, “Good to see you” or let her take the reins of the conversation. But now, standing there with wide eyes and shaking hands, I feel myself slipping into the skin of the person I used to be (aka who I think they expect me to be), but it no longer fits.
When dealing with depression, my doctor told me to count my wins, even if it was getting out of bed, doing a load of laundry, or going outside for a few minutes. He said it all counts.
That's part of the process of learning to live with bipolar disorder while working through trauma and grief. It's going to be messy and painful and difficult. I know there will be times I feel like I'm getting worse before I get better. But the only way out is through...
Right now, each day I have to tell myself, I will not die today. So, I'm telling you too: Don't die today... Today, let's decide to not give up. Let's not think about tomorrow. Today, let's decide to live.
My life was turned on its head in 2019. What I held true crumbled around me. It’s been an unsettling period of growth. A period of learning while unlearning. A period of grief and healing. A period of seeing where I’ve been and rediscovering who I am, what I believe/think, and which direction I want to go.
Ever have one of those mornings when everything that can go wrong, does go wrong? So, I'm using a filter to help me force a smile, cause damn! This morning kicked my ass. But I'm thinking it was to get my attention.
If you're in a place of darkness, where your hurt feels suffocating and you can see no way of it ever being better, please, please reach out to someone who can help. A friend, a family member, a therapist or counselor. Don't struggle alone. Don't give up.
Amanda Jewel Warren 