Just a writer sharing her thoughts, life, and journey.
I have let fear take control of me. At one point I thought I was fearless, but somehow, I let it creep and settle in and make itself at home within me. I’m hoping—no, I know—as I continue healing, I will become fearless once again.
My body, mind, and soul feel the need to breathe deep, focus on some self care, and create new things.
Over two decades of pushing down emotions, blocking out memories of abuse, fighting my mood disorder while trying to slap on a happy face? Yes, it's only right that this is my new word for the new year.
I had a nervous breakdown a couple of weeks ago that led me to a deep, dark place that scared me. I understand why people advise not to write publicly about things you've not yet healed from. Reliving these situations has left me feeling raw and exposed. While I plan to continue sharing, I am going to have to be careful how I go about it.
Recognizing that I was triggered this week was actually a step in the right direction. That's one of the ways bipolar is managed. Years ago, I would not have been able to do this.
Any efforts I made in trying to make things better were failed attempts, because the hurt was too much for even me to handle. It was ALL out of my control.
If things had come together like I had hoped, I would have missed out on both of the experiences with my grandmothers. Instead, I have moments I can treasure for the rest of my life. So when things don't go as you plan, just know God can see the big picture. We are limited by what we think we know.
Amanda Jewel Warren 